


Major Arcana

by Puniyo



Series: Compass [10]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 3rd and 1st Person POV, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Mention of injuries, Not a Love Story, Tarot References, an ode to Yuzuru Hanyu, earthquake and tsunami, experimental narrative, mention of COC2014, non-linear timeline, please get well soon, study of the mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 06:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16781509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puniyo/pseuds/Puniyo
Summary: Snippets of Yuzuru's life through the different Tarot cards OR the 22 times Yuzuru came, saw and conquered.





	Major Arcana

**Author's Note:**

> Dear all, with the news of Yuzuru's injury and his withdrawal from GPF (and possibly Nationals), this idea of exploring moments of his life blossomed. I also managed to finally watch Continues With Wings and I was deeply moved by him so this is an ode dedicated to his strength and courage. Please get well soon, Yuzu!
> 
> Please bear in mind that I do not know how to read Tarot, although I have a huge interest in it. Each card is presented with its symbolism and one of the meanings in its normal and reversed positions. I also do not want to shy away from from the topic of injuries because that is inherently part of Yuzuru's journey and by mentioning them, I feel I am honoring his strength. 
> 
> (Some of the snippets have also a more melancholic tone - blame it on my wisdom tooth, which have only brought me pain and no wisdom at all)
> 
> Disclaimer: this is a work of FICTION!!

**The Fool – the Spirit**

_Extravagance_

A good costume is part of the performance, Yuzuru thinks. It is no triviality whether the fabric should be soft as cashmere or maturely enticing as velvet. It can’t two one inches longer on the sleeves as it will hinder his catch foot spin as he propels his leg high above his head, into a Biellmann position, nor the number of feathers and sequins should falter, or else how could the swan be reflected on the still waters of the iced lake? It has to be perfect, not because it extends the mood of the program. It is because it is an extension of who he really is.

_Bad Decision_

Perhaps I shouldn’t have chosen white for Let’s Go Crazy. Can they see me on the rink, the counters and the mohawks? Will it hide my excitement when I spread on the ice, legs apart, when I punch a higher floor on the elevator? And when it clings to my skin with the sweat and the adrenaline, will I be able to pull it off?

‘Can you please help me unzip the top?’

They do, ‘thank you so much!’, and I can feel the slight trembling of their fingers on the back of my neck.

Perhaps it wasn’t such a bad choice.

**The Magician – Willpower**

_Self-confidence_

Yuzuru knows he can land the quadruple Lutz. It’s four revolutions in less than a minute, just like the other three he has on his arsenal. It has the same pick as the toe loop, the same speed as the Salchow and the same outside edge as the loop. Jumps are not frightening – he trusts them. Just like the Axel. It is not a wall to be crashed against or climbed. It is a wall that he must crumble.

‘Yuzuru, I think you should–‘

He vaults in the air, three and half rotations, a spread eagle following the return to the ice. Brian just shakes his head and gives up on convincing him not to attempt complex elements in the warm-up.

‘Do you want to use the harness today? You know, for…’ The coach draws circles with his fingers, not daring to say the number.

‘No.’ Yuzuru takes a sip of his pink isotonic solution. ‘I can do it.’

_Insecurity_

It’s just a jump. It’s just one more turn. Rotate faster, close my arms more, don’t let shoulders ruin the axis. I practice in front of the mirror, fist to chest, I pull it quickly, release the arms, foot in the right angle. I know I can do it. They say it’s all my weight on one leg and that the consequences are appalling.

Will I be able to land them? I must. Will my body be able to handle it? Stop. What if it is underrotated? Stop, stop. What if I get hurt, my ankle in a funny direction and then the numbness on my toes? Stop, stop, stop. What if I am stuck forever in the air, time suspended, and all I see are more than a pair of hands trying to lift me?

I throw a tissue box and it almost breaks the mirror. I am Yuzuru Hanyu and I am afraid. But I will not let it cut my wings.

**The High Priestess – Occult Wisdom**

_Learning_

Yuzuru loves animals that fly. It’s the freedom in the aerodynamics of a robin or the puffed chests of the nuthatches. He likes insects too, butterflies on flowers, dragonflies on humid days to announce the imminent downpour, and bees, from which people run away, scared of their stings and deafening passage. It’s not the sweet honey nor their exquisite yellow and dark stripped coat. It’s the different patterns of their improvised itineraries close to the clouds, their camouflaged attacks and the grace they pose on sheltered leaves.

Yuzuru loves these animals because he too wants to fly on the ice. He wants sculptures carved with his black blades, trapezoids and rhombuses like the pendant he wears, deep edges on every corner and his own signature after each step. He still can’t do it. But until then, he learns from those that can fly.

_Improper Judgement_

‘No jumps for this week.’

I’m out of breath already and my hair is plastered against my forehead. It’s unfair. I came here to fly higher and not be imprisoned in this cage of flat ice. Pooh-san is wiping the sweat that pricks my eyes and my frustrations almost spill in tears.

‘You have height Yuzuru but what you need is speed. Speed and control.’

I have them. I have them both. I run to the middle of the rink in the club and I crouch into a pancake spin. See how fast I can go? It’s so fast that I’m feeling dizzy and if it were not for my hands, my face would have met my boots. The palm of my right hand is bleeding from the fall.

‘We are here to help you Yuzuru. You have to help yourself too.’

I apologize to Brian and Tracy is already submerging a piece of cotton in Betadine. I never liked the smell. She sings me a nursery rhyme as she fetches a band-aid. I want to tell her I’m not a child anymore but she seems to have read my mind.

‘You’re a good boy Yuzuru.’

She gives me a hug and I circle my arms around her too. She smells of chamomile, like all mothers.

**The Empress – Fertility from Intuition**

_Wife, Marriage_

There is nothing more infuriating than gossip stories about secret trysts about he and a school colleague, Yuzuru hints at the thousands of camera shuttles and flashlights. He even mockingly smirks at the articles of him eloping to the cold countryside, where nights are cooler so body heat can be appropriately employed. It is all a veil of smoke that has no fire to keep it burning. He smiles uncomfortably when he announces on _Fantasy on Ice_ that he wants to be a married man at 25, a quarter of a century.

‘Do you believe in love, Hanyu-senshu?’

‘I do.’

Don’t we all?

‘What kind of girl would you like your future wife to be?’

‘Isn’t it enough to have found happiness? Should I ask for more?’

Yuzuru winks at the male reporter.

_Infidelity_

A woman, a girl, a child, twins, talented cook, house chores to perfection, ring on the left hand – when will the world change? When will love be a drop of water from the rain and the first ray of light of the dawn? A woman, a man, only one or many at once, to be loved and to love, to fuck and be fucked, when will boundaries cease to exist?

I don’t want to be married. I’m sorry but I will never be faithful. Vows of commitment and exchanging promises. I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to swear an oath that I will never keep. You can come to my bed and I can wrap myself in your sheets of pleasure.

But my heart, I am sorry, I gave it to world.

**The Hierophant – Conformism and Orthodoxy**

_Humility_

‘Unbelievable! 110.53 points. Look at that technical score!’

‘This is the dawn of a new era.’

‘We are incredibly fortunate to be witnessing such spectacle.’

‘We would think that he would be complacent and just retire after the Olympics.’

‘Didn’t we? But here he is and look, he is bowing to his coaches.’

‘No Yuzuru, it is our privilege to be here today with you. Thank you.’

‘And the bear that he always brings with him?’

‘That is Winnie the Pooh, not just a bear.’

‘He has it since ever.’

‘And he will always have it on his side. He never once forgets his roots.’

‘What a skater!’

‘What a person he is. I don’t think I’ll ever see someone like him.’

‘He’s special.’

‘We still have more skaters to comment.’

‘I don’t care. He is just special. Ladies and gentlemen, Yuzuru Hanyu.’

_Overkindness_

It’s been eight years since the waves came ashore and it brought back to its crib our chopsticks, our bowls, our wind chimes held in bamboo pots, our houses, our land. There are already groups of novice skaters in Ice Rink Sendai ready to challenge the junior shots. Things seem to have gone back to normal after all these years.

I don’t know why I am crying now then. It must be the soft rice wrapped in these sheets of seaweed that they have offered me. It’s just a sour plum inside of the multitude of grains but it tastes more delicious than everything I have eaten before. They also offer me a hard-boiled egg and I must look like a sick boy with my nose red and trembling lips as I accept it with both my hands drawn together.

‘Yuzuru-senshu is visiting us again.’

I have missed you all.

‘I hope your trip hasn’t been too rough.’

It has been just right, the roads fully restored and dandelions on the berms.

‘We should have made you a bear.’

No, a giant mandarin is fine. We sit and talk the whole afternoon. We share stories of that day and although all these women are much older than I am, I feel we are all the same. We are not victims of the whimsical nature. We are survivors and we must continue living on. For those who perished and for those who are yet to come.

I want to skate for you. Skating is the only thing I can do. I want to show you that I am glad you are alive.

I am glad I am alive.

**The Lovers – Balance between Two Forces**

_Beauty_

Figure skating is beauty in strength, Yuzuru believes. It is the power to defy and challenge gravity even further to fall to its caprice with a graceful pose. He always brings his inhaler when the four minutes become excruciatingly painful, like a knot of steel around his throat all the time. He practices another flip, the inside edge still not perfect, still too crude, but the pressure eases on his knees with the spread eagle, the Ina Bauer on a slower movement and a camel spiral. Beauty is not just elements, that is technique, he writes on his notebook. Beauty is to be able to shout ‘ganbatta!’ at the end of each program.

_Struggle between Sacred and Profane Love_

What is ice but frozen water? I sit on the only empty bench on the park. It gives me the perfect view over the Zamboni travelling left and right. The Christmas snowflake lights are really pretty in red and green, and two girls are warming up around the closed stage. Their orange mittens pale in comparison to their yellow dresses and their golden hair. I look at my own hands. My fingers are starting to get too rigid and I blow into them. My breath, a few milliseconds from my life poured into each tip.

I want to touch the ice. I want to let it feel this warmth that I have inside of me. I want it to know that I worship every congealed drop to my bones. I want to make love to it, white on white, what is mine is yours, what you give I will receive. Let me taint and tarnish you so I can kneel for your penitence.

**The Chariot – Triumph of the Mind**

_Fleeing from Reality_

It’s the third night already on the temporary shelter. His mother holds his hand to her body so it will stop shaking from the earthquake on his mind. Yuzuru can’t fall asleep. It’s a small, cramped mat on the wooden gymnasium floor. The silence is asphyxiating and there are occasional cries as light bulbs break outside or branches barely hanging on their trunks hit the concrete floor. He is hungry but he won’t complain. It would all go away if he just closed his eyes.

_Defeat_

We all lie down pretending to sleep but dreams were washed away too. I can hear the sobbing of little children because it’s too dark and I know my mom is crying too. I don’t move but I hug my skates even tighter. The blades don’t cut today. I don’t even recognize the sharpness anymore. I just wish time would turn back. I hate this. I want to skate.

Would it be selfish of me if I ran away?

**Justice – Proper Balance**

_Harmony_

He checks the signed printed sheets of his scores. The protocol has only abbreviations and capital letters, no bent triangles or minus signs. It is still not perfect, Yuzuru thinks, the level three on the step sequence and the same digit for a spin combination. Not yet but he will transform them into a symphony of fours. He scribbles a few notes with a red ink pen and he folds the protocol, burying it in his newest season folder.

_Fanaticism_

The stands look lower from this side of the podium. The silver medal just doesn’t have the same brilliance. I smile for the photographers but it’s not my flag they raise and it’s not my anthem they sing. I promise to myself I will bring my own sun next time. I will definitely win.

I will not let my past self overshadow me. Just wait and see.

**The Hermit – Guiding Spirit**

_Counsel_

Yuzuru sits on the metal chair as he carefully unties his boots. Kikuichi-san is the first one to examine his ankle, pressing on the tender and swollen articulation, turning the foot left and right, as the young athlete bites his lower lip.

‘It’s sprained.’

He keeps applying tension on the cartilage and around the bone, trying to decipher if more damage is done.

‘I can skate.’

‘You need to put it under ice immediately.’

His mother bows to the doctor and she runs straight away to fetch some. Ghislain walks back and forth impatiently and he massages Yuzuru’s shoulder lightly when the latter hisses in pain.

‘I’m sorry Yuzuru, I shouldn’t have let you do that.’

‘No. It’s my fault.’

It’s no one’s fault but gravity.

‘How long?’

Kikuichi-san shakes his head. It will take time to heal.

Yuzuru’s hands draw into fists and he punches the cushioned seat. He takes a deep breath, not letting the frustrated tears fall. ‘What should I do?’

His coach smiles as he pulls the younger man in a one arm hug. ‘Yes Yuzuru, you are not alone in this fight.’

_Immaturity_

My head feels a little too hot and I blame the unusually loud music for my dizziness. The thermometer this morning showed a fever number but it must have been broken. There is no time to rest. I don’t want to disappoint the people who came especially for this competition. I try a triple Axel. I almost fall but it’s probably because I’m too close to the boards. I try another one. Counter, jump, twizzle, there is nothing wrong with me.

I circle the rink a few more times testing my wobbly knees. I’m just nervous.

It takes me a couple of seconds to know I hit the ice on the Lutz. My foot is in a funny position. I try to stand but I can’t. It hurts. It hurts so much. Am I panicking?

What have I just done?

**Wheel of Fortune – Spirit Facing the Fate**

_Destiny, Fortune_

羽 – feather, plume, wing

生 – to live, to be alive, to give birth

結 – to tie, to join, to fasten

弦 – string, bowstring

To be light as a feather, to live with fortune at one’s feet, to tie one’s fate with the strength of a bow.

_Interruption or Inconsistency due to Unexpected Events_

It’s January already and there is a snowstorm outside. I stare from my window the tiny white globules that accumulate on the frame. I am idle here while they all rush to the ground. I cross another day on the calendar as my mom calls me for dinner. It’s been almost two months without stepping on the rink at the club.

There are rolled sweet eggs and pickled radish with pork stir fry on the table. I have an unexpectedly voracious appetite today.

‘Which performance are you watching tonight?’

‘Seimei.’ I pick the last grain of rice with my chopsticks. I watch Seimei every day. I’m afraid I will forget it if I don’t.

‘Why don’t we watch it together?’ My mom brings me a single matcha mochi. It’s not the same ones we have in Sendai but I still like them.

We both have our notebooks ready as I click on play on my computer.

All I can do is wait.

**Strength – Eternal Spirit, able to Overcome all Obstacles**

_Conquest_

It’s almost time for the annual summer holidays for most of the staff at Cricket Club and the rink is devoid of any skater. Yuzuru comes to clear his locker, a new beginning for next season, but he quickly wears the pair of spare boots he keeps there and he dashes on the ice, the side mirrors reflecting only him and the ceiling fans. He has never had a practice arena only for him and the sudden possession of it all is uncannily satisfying. He stops in front of the display of the medalists’ plates and he smiles. He brings his open hand to his chest and bows to all the names.

‘Do you like it?’

Brian calls him from the entrance. He too had just locked his office for his leave.

Yuzuru just nods. He extends both his arms in the same ending pose as the onmyouji of his last long program. He bursts in laughter.

_Olympic Medalists – Yuzuru Hanyu – Gold – 2014, 2018._

_Lack of Faith_

I jump to the highest step on the podium as I see the flames of the five rings burn with the same intensity as the beating of my pulse. The February air in PyeongChang is extremely cold but I can feel sweat running down my back. The cheers of the people in their large coats is very loud but I can barely hear them. For once only, I hear nothing. I look up to the sky and I am not Yuzuru Hanyu. I am just another star in that vast darkness and I might just go back to where they are.

Did I really win?

I smile and shake the hands of all the officials when they hung the gold medal around my neck. It is another star but heavier, heavier than my heart, heavier than Sochi’s, heavier than the whole weight of the universe.

If this star fell to my hands, could I keep it forever?

**The Hanged Man – Spirit of Renunciation**

_Sacrifice_

Yuzuru misses the simplicity of his life before he made his choice. He misses the small classrooms and wooden desks, he misses playing dodge ball with his group of friends during lunch time, he misses the taste of edamame mochi and plain rice with soy sauce and egg. He sometimes longs for the crowded rink in Sendai and the costumes his mother sewed until early hours of the dawn. He likes English but it cannot be compared to the lyrical subtlety of Japanese syllables and the art imbued in their characters.

Sometimes he wonders how much he has given to skating – his time, his body, his soul, his whole life.

He does not regret choosing the ice though.

_Preoccupation with the Ego_

‘It’s time for you to go.’

Nanami-sensei tells me that there is nothing more for me to learn here. That the nest is too full already and that I must fly to find another branch. I hug her one more time as the bronze medal presses on both our chests and the chains of Romeo break free.

The flight to Toronto is slightly delayed and I just stare at the arriving and departing planes of different airlines. Everyone seems to wear the same shoes and drag the same suitcases.

Will I also become just another in the crowd?

What if I don’t know who I am anymore?

**Death – Spirit of Transformation**

_Unexpected Change_

It was a new world record in Helsinki and it is another rewriting in Moscow. If ISU wants to change the scale of values, Yuzuru would play with the numbers. He does a few more crossovers around ice avoiding the path of other skaters, his legs a little more sluggish than usual. It’s just a fleeting moment of distraction and he punches the boards as his foot disobeys him.

There are changes Yuzuru wished he could foresee. He starts counting with his fingers how many elements he needs to adjust for his free skating.

_Inertia_

I pop another cherry tomato as I watch Brian high five Javier for another fully rotated quad Salchow. It’s the third time this week that he does a clean run-through of _Man de la Mancha_. They really look like father and son, their curly hazelnut hair and rosy cheeks, even the way their hands rest on their hips as they stride across the benches.

Ghislain sits next to me and he tells me I can try a double tomorrow.

I don’t want a double. I don’t want to stop.

He asks me if I am a masochist.

I just tell him that I’m tired of doing nothing.

‘You are doing more than you fathom. You have to–’

‘Trust myself.’

He nods and he points at the collar of my under armor. _Efforts lie but they are not in vain._

**Temperance – Self-Control of the Mind**

_Fortunate Omen_

It’s not a meteor shower that falls on the arena each time Yuzuru finishes a program but a lightning storm of Pooh bears. Tiny ones, gargantuan ones, some naked, some with a pot of honey. There is always one that matches with his costume and another with his home flag. It is a sign of the skies that things will be okay, that when Yuzuru is on the ice, the prayer of the yellow, chubby bear will protect him.

He just wishes he could take them all back home.

_Impatience_

Tissues from Pooh-san are softer than any other in the Kiss and Cry area. Sweat keeps pouring from my forehead even if I had just skated for just under three minutes. We watch together the repetition of my jumps, Pooh-san and I, and we laugh with the audience when they zoom in on my face on the slow-motion, on air positions. We bow together and I make sure he too greets the fans with his paw.

There is silence now that they will call my name and announce my score. Too long. Tell me. Hurry up. I want to know.

We are both trembling in anticipation, Pooh-san and I.

**The Devil – Subordinated Mind**

_Violence_

‘What has just happened?’

‘They are both on the floor, Han Yan from China and Yuzuru Hanyu from Japan.’

‘It was so fast I couldn’t even see.’

‘None is standing yet. Where are the paramedics?’

‘A collision on these last minutes of warm-up has left two skaters possibly out of this last group.’

‘Oh my! There is blood. Is it from the head? It is the chin? Yuzuru is clutching his stomach. Did he break something?’

‘The technical panel is asking for a short break.’

‘Will the competition continue today?’

‘Where is the medical team? If they don’t come soon, I myself will go to the ice.’

‘There they are! Han seems to nod but Yuzuru is limping.’

‘This is Hanyu’s first competition since the Olympic Games in February.’

‘Will he be able to challenge fate?’

_Release from Bondage_

Today is the day they will finally remove the bandages. The skin on the palm of my hands is hard and sore from leaning on the crutches all this time. The physiotherapist and Kikuichi-san both sigh of relief but also excessive worry when they see me trying to jump a single 360-degree rotation.

I’m finally free. Free from the disinfectant gauzes and burning menthol ointments. Free from bags of ice cubes and rubber loops.

‘Take it easy Yuzuru.’

It’s still numb but there is no pain. That’s all I ask for.

**The Tower – Spirit Facing Destruction**

_Abandonment of Past Relationships_

‘No Yuzuru, you are my idol.’

Evgeni Plushenko insists countless times during _Continues with Wings_ these same words. Yuzuru shakes his head and refuses to believe them.

‘I was your mentor once Yuzuru and we shared the ice as competitors.’

He still remembers how awe struck he was, how he almost forgot it was his time to practice _Parisienne Walkways_ when the Russian skater finished his own run-through. He had just won his first Grand Prix Final but on that day, Yuzuru was just a child, nervous and elated that his mushroom haircut wasn’t a wrong one.

‘You are number one now Yuzuru.’

The older man extends his arms for a hug and Yuzuru dives into it.

He wasn’t a rival anymore but he will always be an idol.

_Fear_

I wake up with a silent cry on my lips. My throat is completely dry and I cough a few times. My hand extends to the glass of water on my night stand but I knock it to the floor. I suddenly can’t breathe and it’s good that I reach my inhaler on time.

I look at my alarm clock. It’s still three in the morning. I tentatively bring my feet to the ground to see if it is really shaking. It feels firm to me.

I’m scared.

I lie back on the mattress again and I close my eyes. Everything is quiet. Everything is still. Nothing will move if I don’t move. Nothing will fall if I don’t fall.

I still can’t sleep.

**The Star – Spirit of Faith**

_Hope_

He was the arrogant and cocky teenager with shiny pants and a strip number on galas. It was just for fun, the jacket off and a heart with fluorescent pink lipstick. A rock star on the making.

Yuzuru doesn’t want to be that anymore. He is now the waves and the foam that bathe the resting souls of those who were lost years ago in _Requiem of Heaven and Earth_ , the guiding stars on the dark nights without electricity in _Notte Stellata_ , and the blossoming of a new life in _Haru Yo, Koi_.

He is those who passed away, those who are still here, and those who are yet to be born.

‘Yuzuru Hanyu? He is our _hope_. And our _legacy_ too.’

_Stubbornness_

They call me reckless because I still attempt quads injury after my injuries.

They call me a dreamer because I let it slip on a press conference that I want to conquer the four and half rotations.

They call me idealistic because I not only want to land the quad Axel but I want choreography, steps and balance.

They call me negligent, but isn’t our imagination limitless and our bodies a vehicle for it?

They call me a romantic, but what could I achieve if I did not desire it?

They say I am building a utopia, but if I didn’t, would I still be an athlete?

I have a vision that figure skating can evolve and it’s my mission to grasp it.

**The Moon – Spirit of Inspiration**

_Danger_

‘Are you sure you want to do this, Yuzuru?’

He nods and nods, over and over again. Withdrawing is not an option.

‘We will support you no matter what.’ Brian is with him and the Russian doctor in duty. ‘But we are talking about your career here.’

It’s not a whimsical hunger. It’s for Tatiana Tarasova and Alexei Yagudin, for Natalia Bestemianova and Igor Brobin. It’s a root from a seed that has ingrained into a tree, one that dances with the wind but does not weep.

‘You are addicted to danger Yuzuru.’

Perhaps he is. Perhaps it is in adversity that he can shine the most.

Yuzuru ties the boots again. He touches the ankle with his eyes closed. It’s a silent prayer that he knows will be heard.

_Trifling Mistakes_

I can already see the finishing line. It’s almost four minutes and the violin notes are higher and faster. One more jump, only one more.

It’s the Axel and I fall. It doesn’t hurt and I’m not even disappointed. I am here, in the middle of everyone, our hearts connected by the magic Stradivarius, their claps – my virtuoso beacon.

I’m so happy I could almost cry.

It doesn’t matter that I fall.

I will rise each time.

Lighter. Better. Stronger.

**The Sun – Peace of Mind**

_Unselfish Sentiment_

‘Hanyu-senshu, how does it feel to have won your first Nationals?’

‘How does it feel to have won your first Grand Prix Final?’

‘What are you feeling, Yuzuru, now that you have beaten them all in your first Olympics?’

‘Hanyu.’

‘Yuzuru-senshu.’

‘Mr. Yuzuru.’

‘The boy from Sendai.’

‘The first Japanese.’

‘Yuzuru Hanyu.’

Yuzuru stands up from the conference press table, the dragging of the chair amplified by the microphones. The flash lights from the cameras stop and the room is filled with silence, the journalists’ pens waiting for the perfect headline of the day.

‘I feel powerless.’ He waits for the translator to convey the same message but he continues in English. ‘I don’t want to win others. That is not figure skating.’ He raises his arm to his chest, grabbing a handful of his sports jacket.

‘Me. I will not lose to myself.’

_Loneliness_

‘Here Yuzuru, why don’t we add this?’

Shae-Lynn catches something on her hand, thin air, and she releases it immediately after. I imitate her but I can’t grasp anything.

‘No, like this.’ She interweaves her fingers with mine and we travel together on the ice with simple strokes. ‘What is it that you want to give the world?’

What do I want to give?

She seems to have read my mind and she throws some of the shaved ice at her blades to my face. It’s cold and she laughs at my non-existent dodging skills.

‘You are not skating alone Yuzu.’

I want… ‘I want to invite everyone to my world.’

‘Try again.’

She releases my hand and I’m back to the starting position. I draw closer as the crescendo of the piano intensifies. I reach high and I pluck a star. It’s beautiful but it’s not for me only. I open my palm and I swear I can see the stardust, on my wrist, on my beads, on Shae-Lynn’s hair, on Johnny’s eyelashes, on Jeffrey’s nose.

It’s truly beautiful.

**Judgement – Spirit of Cosmic Conscience**

_Desire for Immortality_

_White Legend_ – the first flight of youth

 _Zigeunerweisen_ – the Gypsy passion of the newcomer

 _Étude in D-sharp minor_ – the eulogy to the lost voices

 _Romeo and Juliet v.1_ – the undying cry of Romeo, oh Romeo

 _Parisienne Walkways_ – the confidence of the cosmopolitan hippie

 _Notre-Dame de Paris_ – the outcast on his own land

 _Romeo and Juliet v.2_ – Juliet’s promise on poisoned lips

 _Chopin Ballade No.1_ – the prince of eternity

 _The Phantom of the Opera_ – the oath on blood

 _Let’s Go Crazy_ – the pleasure elevator that will never go down

 _Seimei_ – to be enchanted under his spell

 _Hope and Legacy_ – the vow for a golden tomorrow

 _Otoñal_ – come, oh Spring, and play with me

**The World – Spirit that Left behind the Material World**

_Completion_

The program finishes and he is on his knees. The music ceases but this is only the beginning – the _Origin._

_I am strong because I know my weaknesses._

He points to his heart and to the sky. It’s him and the world. It’s the heavens and the earth. It is Yuzuru but also _we_ and _they_. The audience all points to the same promised land.

‘No one said it was going to be easy.’

_I am bruised but this is who I am._

He bows one last time before hugging his coaches.

_This is not the end._

He jumps to the first place with crutches and it is as if he was flying, a pair of wings on his back.

_Thank you, Yuzuru._

**Author's Note:**

> I just noticed I missed The Emperor's card (self-control through intelligence)... well... why don't you share your snippet for this card with me? ;)


End file.
